so, i made a huge decision last month to leave Moshi Online. My baby after 3 years of running it myself. it came at a breaking point where i was just spending my entire life online and nothing was changing in my life.
in my sendoff to the community and game, i have accessed and fixed many of the issues we were having for years by the help of codex to kill those bugs and improve things, which to my credit i have tried fixing many many times in the past so i held up my white flag after 3 years of maintaining my own private servers of Moshi Monsters.
i have guilt and regret for leaving the team of Moshi Online behind and giving it to a CORPORATION the more i think about it. it was a niche things for a few people that enjoyed our childhood game but it just grew, grew, and grew.
the server cost was up to 100+ USD by 2025. i now realize that infrastructure for the game was not optimized so it was just burning money :/ this wasn’t handled until june 2025, the project i made expecting to be DMCA’d outgrew me so i gave it back to the IP holders when approached to ease my wallet and it’d be unfair at this point to the tens of thousands of players to close it and enjoy it.
the timeframe between october to feburary my mental health completely collapsed, i spent most of this time in inpatient and residential mental health treatment, now graduated to partial hospitalization. my involvement in the game being next to none at this point.
going against some of leaders wishes, i gave full server access to 1 side of the team whilst i was away, a lot of content came out this time and they took very good care of it. then i came back, realized that in order to make changes in my life. it’s time to burn bridges or it’ll be a repeat of patterns.
i had many crash-outs that harmed myself, ruined friendships, my image and caused trouble for others around me. when i came back in feburary, i could’ve told no one that i used codex to help with the 4.0 update. but i decided to tell everyone, crash-out, stir up drama and divide the entire staff team. i reflected on my attitude problems and destruction mindset and spending those last 4 months in the ward, i have realized how much this has taken from my life vs given me and how much it affected me mentally each time i stepped foot into that space. it wasn’t fault of anyone there! it was my deep personal struggles, i knew i needed to step away for a long time now. even people on the Moshi Online team telling me it’d do me wonders too.
i realized i can’t repair or “fix” damaged relationships or try fix to my past actions but i can move on instead and that’s very hard. i heard from peers in treatment “this will be the hardest thing you ever do”
i never understood that until i was suggested by my therapist in partial hospitalization treatment to drop my device and social media usage as much as i can, and move on to the next stage in my life. because i wasn’t giving up anything to allow myself to blossom like a flower, i couldn’t blossom if my habits didn’t change.
since leaving, my anxiety has gone down a lot, my attitude, lessened my social media from 6-12 hours a day to once in every 3-4 days and mood have cleared up a ton…. i became involved in my life for the first time in a decade. socializing in the world, all of this is very new and scary for me to experience which i am trying to give myself grace for.
that being said, just a heads up over time my project domains will expire (retropets.net, voidbin.org, this one etc.) and i won’t be renewing my projects. this isn’t a goodbye, it’s see you in the next chapter <3 i am around if you know where to reach me!