i am back for now (:
i needed this time to escape to a safe place that always made me feel safe and secure.
i feel like i have no structure in my life and to be honest, i don’t know what to do without being in this environment.
i feel peace and i am away from technology for most of the day, although i don’t have much freedom, i never really use it much in my life anyways,.
my friend asked me what i am going to do without the “environment”, i am unsure. i have sort of made it my life in the past year. i don’t know what i want to do but this “environment” provides things to do.
art, music, yoga, a schedule and more. i know what to expect as the day or week is all landed out, i just need to check on a piece of paper of what’s next after those activities are over.
i always been unable to implement this in my life with my black and white thinking, i am either doing too much or nothing at all. in this “environment” i don’t have a choice which i love.
i have been reading a lot of books during this time as i do not have access to my phone or laptop for most of the day. i only get it for 1 to 3 hours everyday (it depends).
i really love freida mcfadden’s books if anyone knows of an author with similar psychological thrillers and medical novels, please let me know! i was not a reader before reading 1 of her books. i was never interested.
now, i have read 6 of her books, on my 7th one now! i really love that the plot is something you’re not expecting and they usually have a good ending, i find myself crying at the end.
the co-worker, the locked door, one by one, the housemaid, the housemaid is watching and the crash are all wonderful reads!
i was talking to someone at the cash register whilst picking up another 1 of freida’s books, she asked me “is this book any good?” and i said “i don’t know but.the rest are!” i am reading “do not disturb” right now although i haven’t picked it up since i have been back, finding balance is hard for me,
but i was really happy to relate to someone, i normally do not because i am not that open to trying or watching things that i am not familiar with. my social life pretty much been nonexistent besides online conversations in niche communities and some technology experience (full stack web development, minecraft, and linux)
so that makes it hard for me to relate or befriend people also i am pretty closed off about things that i do like also in fear of judgement. i stuck to what i known for a really long time, not venturing out much. i wonder if i am the only one that feels this way with real life interactions? like having nothing to really provide to a conversation therefore can’t really get close to anyone but you actually wish to have communication with others.
idk that’s my first vent on my bloggies.